Lawn ranger:23rd April

What is it about the Brits and their lawns, then?

They've been the subject of books and documentaries and numerous articles in foggy publications like the Telegraph. According to a BBC Radio 4 documentary a few years ago, there are around 15 million lawns in the UK. Four of them are in my garden, on their different separate levels. Not going to lie: they're not in the most brilliant condition. They have moss, weeds and patches. They do not look as an idea lawn should look.

Boys and their toys

The former Lord Chancellor and philosopher Francis Bacon said, as far back as 1625, ‘Nothing is more pleasant to the eye than green grass kept finely shorn.’ He was actually very firm about the fact that any decent garden needs a lawn. He would not, however, be impressed by mine.

Most musings on why the Brits love their lawns are a bit on the bloke-y side. They have to do with "escaping the wifey" to go out mowing, and there's a bit of macho nonsense attached to the size and power of one's machine. Or they're attached to some romantic notions of cricket or bowls or other things balls-related.

A former neighbour of mine was a bit obsessive about his stripes. He was always out there, niggling away at his grass and chundering up and down with his mower. He's passed on now, so I do hope he's lying in a hammock in some Elysian fields which never need work, and where he can just sit and drink a Pimms.

A few years ago there was a bit of huffing and puffing in the media about the trend for replacing lawns with artificial grass. It feels like a mad idea to me (even leaving aside the loss to wildlife). You may not have to cut it, but you do have to actually clean it, which feels worse. And no, it never looks natural, not even from a distance. It just looks plastic and weird. Apparently Michael Gove likes it, so...

Lawn longings

Me, I just want grass I can walk on barefoot in the summer and grass that gives out that nice just-cut smell. I accept this doesn't happen by wishing alone, so this week we've been scarifying* the patches of grass and sowing grass seed.

At the moment it looks rubbish, but the plan is that with a bit of TLC it will improve. It doesn't have to be perfect, because I like the odd daisy, but it certainly could be lusher and greener.

And another thing

Since I started this blog last month, there've been some damp-ish and overcast days but no actual rain. Why?? It's spring in the UK. We're supposed to get rain. It's starting to bug me, because the garden (and my lawn seed) could really do with it.

*Getting rid of moss, weeds and other general debris. I love this word.